March 30, 2008 by Gary Seigel.

Recently Alice shared this story with me:

“An old friend of mine has not returned my phone calls. I’ve left five messages. I also emailed him. No response.  I bumped into another friend of his who said, ‘Alice, don’t take it personally. He’s just swamped. He doesn’t return my phone calls either.’

But when someone seemingly refuses to talk to you, it’s hard not to take it personally, and very easy to write that person off.”

I agree.

I’ve had the same problem. I have a particular colleague I have known for years, but he doesn’t return phone calls, and though I have a great contact to give him, I’m reluctant. In fact, if I see this guy at an upcoming conference, I am prepared to be rude and indifferent. I’ll treat him the way he treats me! I’ll let him know he lost an important lead that could have advanced his business,  brought him to the attention of Oprah Winfrey, and made him an instant billionaire! 

Some of us simply draw conclusions (or illusions) when people do not call us back.  That’s why I suggest you return calls and emails within 24 hours or as soon as it is humanly possible so that you do not communicate the wrong message.  How do you feel about that?

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March 23, 2008 by Gary Seigel.

I took a diversity training program a few years ago, and we were handed a list of topics not to talk about at work. Race and sexism were at the top of the list, and yet I would imagine in the spring of 2008 these are the very topics that spring up in lunchrooms and hallways (and bathrooms) in every company across America.

Just this week, Obama’s reference to his grandmother as a “typical white person” initiated a media frenzy. So you’re on your way to work and you hear Dan Gross from Philadelphia Daily News ask if Hillary Clinton were to use the term, “typical black person,” what kind of trouble would that cause?

You park your car. You walk into the office, and it rattles you. Are we dealing with double standards here or what?!  But forget about politics because a shipment of 35,000 widgets has been lost at sea, and you need to focus on finding them. You’re also up for a management promotion, so you need to be careful what you say.

A week earlier Hilary supporter, Geraldine Ferraro, told an interviewer Barack Obama’s candidacy was so successful because he is black, a comment that has vilified her but that she continues to defend.

Today you hear her quoted on the radio as you drive to a client meeting on the other end of town. “Any time anybody does anything that in any way puts this campaign down and says, let’s address reality and the problems we’re facing in this world’ you’re accused of being racist and you have to shut up. Racism works in two different directions. I really think they’re attacking me because I’m white. How’s that?”

Ouch! Did she say I’ll tell you ‘how’s that?’ You fully understand that you must put your feelings and thoughts in your back pocket because you have no idea what your clients’ politics are and it would be inappropriate, possibly wrong, to bring up this subject.  Still, it’s gnawing at you, and when you get to the office and grab a coffee with several other co-workers, the words just pop out of your mouth like gumballs. “Did you hear what Ferraro said today? Can you believe the double standard we have in this country? Aren’t you at all bothered by the speech we heard yesterday?”

We go to work. We talk. We share, and we get in trouble. “I can’t believe what Frank said.”   “Boy is he a racist!”    “If that’s what he believes, I’m not sure I want to work with him on his committee.”

 We know diversity training tells us to choose our words carefully and keep our thoughts to ourselves, but  we have a lot on our minds these days.

 A hundred years from now 2008 may be seen as a watershed year. Perhaps not as revolutionary as 1776 – maybe not even as exciting as 1968—but this is an  election of historical proportion, and every day politicians put their foot in their mouth.  

How have you learned to create an acceptable environment at work where discussion can take place without risk of violating policies or sensitivity issues?

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March 16, 2008 by Gary Seigel.

Welcome to The Mouth Trap Blog. This is my first post. I am excited to annouce that my new book entitled, The Mouth Trap: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets To Keep Your Foot Out of Your Mouth,  will be available soon.

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