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When does assertive communication become too aggressive?

Celebrities, business leaders, politicians are often respected for “speaking their mind.” Often we get hired for being clear, assertive and “pulling no punches.”

Often times we are unaware when we step over the line and become perceived as insensitive unless a friend, colleague or boss let’s us know. The more you “get away” with risky communication, the more risks we take. Often when speaking in seminars, until I get the blank stare, or “Whoa” sound from the audience, or I receive evaluations, I may not know if I stepped over the line.

This week, two crucial situations provided great examples of stepping over the line. The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward who was perceived as handling a major oil spill crisis in a proactive manner, offended all of his potential supports and the government by stating “It wasn’t our accident,” he told the Today Show on Monday. Pressed by anchor Meredith Vieira, Hayward claimed: “the drilling rig was a Transocean drilling rig. It was their rig and their equipment that failed, run by their people, their processes.”

That statement caused an outcry from Gulf States suffering from the oil spill to call for more government oversight rather than rely on expert BP employees.

Tuesday, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, commenting on Erin Andrew outfit on Dancing with the Stars said: “In light of what happened … and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room … I mean, in some way if I [was] him, I [would be] like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’” On May 5, 2010, Hasselbeck apologized on the View and privately to Erin Andrews.  Meanwhile, Elizabeth Hasselbeck has been told, even by her show co-hosts that she was insensitive and “way over the top.”

Once people at work (or home) change their perception of you, or if you are perceived being aggressive it’s difficult to gain back trust or change the perception. The fact is, one year of perfect behavior/communication, followed by one mistake, can reinforce people’s negative perception of you.

Whether you are in the public eye or not, here are some quick tips for staying on the assertive rather than aggressive side of Smart Communication:

·         Prepare notes, and refer to them during meetings or presentations.

·         If possible, record your ideas and play them back to yourself. How would you feel if you were the recipient?

·         Talk to a trusted source before you have to speak at the meeting or with a boss or client.

·         If you are put on the spot, or speaking off the cuff, take a deep breath and think for a moment. It’s okay to say, “Please just give me a moment to think, or could you repeat the question?

Nobody at work or home expects you to speak like a professional. However, if you practice simple, Smart Communication techniques you can quickly be perceived as an excellent, Smart Communicator. Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant 


Ever say something and get a blank stare from your listener?  Or you’re talking at a meeting and somewhere in the audience you hear  a “Whoa” sound. You can just feel this knot incubate in your stomach, realizing  that  you said something you know  stepped over the line.

It happens every day, of course, to famous people all over the world.

This week, one crucial situation provided a great example of stepping over the line. The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward,   was perceived as handling a major oil spill crisis in a proactive manner. But his comments offended all of his potential supporters and the government by stating “It wasn’t our accident,” he told the Today Show on Monday. Pressed by anchor Meredith Vieira, Hayward claimed: “The drilling rig was a Transocean drilling rig. It was their rig and their equipment that failed, run by their people, their processes.”

That statement, blaming others and taking no responsibility himself,  caused an outcry from Gulf States suffering from the oil spill.

In fact, Hayward’s arrogance could easily characterize the tone of many CEOs in this era of financial collapse and ethical misconduct.

Will Hayward (or managers at Goldman Sachs or hundreds of other CEOs in financial institutions across the land) win back the faith of the American people?

Once people at work (or home) change their perception of you, or if you are perceived being aggressive, it’s difficult to gain back trust or change the perception. The fact is, one year of perfect behavior/communication, followed by one mistake, can reinforce people’s negative perception of you.

Whether you are in the public eye or not, here are some quick tips for staying on the assertive rather than aggressive side of Smart Communication:

·         Prepare notes, and refer to them during meetings or presentations.

·         If possible, record your ideas and play them back to yourself. How would you feel if you were the recipient?

·         Talk to a trusted source before you have to speak at the meeting or with a boss or client.

·         If you are put on the spot, or speaking off the cuff, take a deep breath and think for a moment. It’s okay to say, “Please just give me a moment to think, or could you repeat the question?

Nobody at work or home expects you to speak like a professional. However, if you practice simple, Smart Communication techniques you can quickly be perceived as an excellent, Smart Communicator. Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

 

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This entry was posted on May 14, 2010 at 10:12 and is filed under The Mouth Trap. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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